i have not written in this for a good amount of time and I'm not sure if anyone still reads it, or if anyone did before. but as i sit here at 3 am and not able to fall asleep i figured i would update this. spring sems was not as bad as i thought it would be. for some reason i thought i would be spending ever waking moment in a book. but that was not the case, i walked away with a pretty good sems esp being at a new school. since school is over work as taken over, but finding time to go out. I'm hoping this summer has a lot to offer I'm putting my hopes up high, we'll see where things go. i will try to keep this updated as best as i can...

haha o mann, I tap.

I only wish to tell you my story dear reader
Kind friend. It's too late for me but you still have a chance
If she finds you she will consume you
She will love you like she loved me
Then down down.
To where I fell.
Where I burn.

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.

This last month has been nothing then thinking about things. I have been thinking about everything that you could think about. Life, world, music, friends, past relationship, job, school, my attitude towards things, beliefs, me view on the world, and I do not know if this is where I want to be. I have this constant thought that whatever I am doing is wrong and I am messing up one thing or another. Most of our lives is a series of images that pass us by like towns on the highway. This quote has been killing me. It makes me think about things in the past. What if I had done things differently? Did I do the right things when it WAS the right time to do it? If I did change things what would have the out come have been?, should I go back through the past and find what I am looking for and bring back with me? Am I living in the past? Am I hoping what once was will soon be? Am I hoping ghosts that were in the past would pop there head back and tell me what I did wrong? Is what I have in front of me know what I wanted? The direction I have my thoughts and my life going is that where I want to be. I feel as if this is a mini mid life crisis [even though I am only 20] or I am just stupid and think into things a lot. Or I am 20 and I cannot rely on playground rules to solve all of life’s problems. I really just do not know, and it is not as if I have not looked for answers, I just cannot find the answers I want.

Sooo, I guess it is safe to say summer is over. There is only a week left in summer for me and I have to spend most of it by myself because everyone has already gone back. The highlights of this summer would def be: shore house parties, bonnaroo, countless nights with nothing to do but spent with good friends, BORIS!, CZW, buying a pair of shoes that won't come till Christmas, fishing, there is probably more that I can't think about right now. However, this summer was not a bad one I have nothing to complain about. No regrets.